Burgess Falls State Park

Got up early this morning to get to Sparta, TN for another hike.  It was about a four hour ride and I was concerned that weather forecast was calling for rain starting around 3pm.  But changing time zones gave me an extra hour.  It rained on and off during the drive and I started to think I might have to do something indoors.  My sister had said that Oak Ridge, TN was very interesting but, when looking it up online, you have to have a federally approved ID in order to get in.  Well of course, SC driver's licenses aren't approved yet and I didn't have my passport so I kept on.

I arrived at the park about noon central time and stopped at the office to get that all important trail map (with phone number) and make sure that I would be able to get in a hike before 3pm.  The ranger assured me that I would so off I went.  The first thing I noticed is that I was out of the mountains and back into the humidity.  This trail was very well demarcated if not a bit slick from rain the night before.  There are four water falls on the hike and you walk down to see them.  The first couple were "cute" and the last couple, especially the last one were magnificent, not Niagara Falls, but beautiful just the same.  At the last one, you were able to walk down a "strenuous" hike and stand beside the falls as the water rushed beside you and over the precipice.  The roar of the falls along with the sound of crickets along the way were God's music to my ears.  A young couple from Nashville were there and I offered to take their picture and they kindly took mine.  Funny how people enjoying nature are friendly and in a good mood! 


I finished the hike, fixed myself some lunch (pretty much the same lunch as yesterday) and ate at one of the picnic tables by the parking area.  After some time of prayer and thinking, I got in my car and, lo and behold, it started raining!  Perfect timing.


On the way to my Airbnb residence for the night, I heard the Chris Tomlin song, Home, on the radio.  It is a song about heaven and made me think about Debbie and what a great time she is having (and how much I miss her).  I thought about the progression of the falls from small to amazing and that's how our walk should be.  We start as baby Christians and, as God works on us, we get better and better.  I pray that over these next weeks He does some major work on me.  I am praying for more faith, more reliance on Him, just simply more Jesus.  I know I have a long way to go.

I am posting pics but the videos don't show up here.  You can see them on FB

Nice well defined trail

One of the smaller falls

Selfie in front of the medium seized fall

Another selfie, point to the waterfall in case you missed it

Not for an F3 guy!!

Don't slip!

Panoramic view of the big one

More of the big one

More of the big one

Downstream

I

Another cute cottage to stay in, even nicer!

Cute inside, Debbie would have loved it

Grayson Highlands

I left Roanoke about 8:30 this morning to continue my journey.  I loved the ride down I81 as much as I loved going up.  After taking the windy road to the Grayson Highlands State Park, I stopped at the Ranger Station to find out where the trail I wanted to go on started and got a map.  This would be critical later in the story! 

My intent was to hike to the Wilburn Ridge as this had gotten great reviews on the web sites I had reviewed before the trip.  When I got to the parking area on the side of the road it was about 11;30 and I wasn't ready to eat lunch yet.  I made a sandwich, packed some chips and water and was ready to roll. 

As it would happen, I met a young guy (30's), J, from Roanoke who was there for a hike up to Mount Rogers.  The way it looked on the elementary map we were going in the same direction and then he would veer off to a portion of the Appalachian trail that headed up to Mount Rogers.  So off we went.  As we set out the trail was well marked but the further we went the markings were no longer apparent.  But we could see where others had gone the way we were walking so we kept on.  Well the  beaten path became less and less beaten and more and more difficult to climb.  J kindly waited on me as I huffed and puffed, was drenched with sweat and had to stop from time to time, hands on knees, struggling.  Additionally I kept wondering how in the world I was ever going to find and negotiate my way back down this steep "trail".  We finally hit some more level ground and saw a post up ahead.  A trail marker!  Wrong again, this was one of many posts that had barbed wire between them!  Oh great, so we reached the end of the park and got to someone's private land.  J found a place in the barbed wire fence that had been breached previously so we scooted under it and kept walking.  It wasn't long before we saw some of the beautiful vistas that I had read about and shortly thereafter we saw the wild horses, just as advertised.  After taking some pictures we went through a gate and saw signs to Mount Rogers and Rhododendron Trail, the trail that was supposed to take me back to the car.  So J and I parted ways after I thanked him profusely for helping this old man and not abandoning me!

Off I went on this clearly marked trail that said Rhododendron Trail 2 miles.  I thought, that's not bad, the trail was fairly wide and level and seemed to correspond with my handy, dandy map.  After going about a half mile I decided I was ready to eat, so I found a nice rock with a gorgeous view and enjoyed my lunch.  Afterwards, overwhelmed by the beauty around me, I pulled out my bible and looked for the verse that says that God's existence is evident even to those who have not heard the gospel because of the magnificence of His creation.  I found it in Romans 1:20 " For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that people are without excuse." (emphasis mine) Thank you Bible Study Fellowship!   After some time of prayer and reflection and some time of tears, thinking how Debbie would love to see this (if she were flown up in a helicopter!)

I continued on my well demarcated trail until it wasn't.  I had gone about a mile and a half and the trail just disappeared!  So I went back to where J had taken off and kept looking at the signs.  It seemed like I must have been going in the right direction but obviously I wasn't.  Fortunately I had two critical things going for me: cell service and my MAP that had the guard station's phone number on it!  So being non-male-like, I called and asked directions.  Well, the park ranger on the phone pointed out the huge sign showing this wide trail that led back to the parking area that was only a mile away, down an easy slope. 

As I walked I began to think about how this experience was a microcosm of life.  We take off trying to find our way using an indistinct, manmade map and we get lost, not once, but time and time again.  And all the while we have the cellphone service (prayer) to ask the Park Ranger (God), Who has a much wider perspective of the terrain that we are trying to negotiate.  Once we humble ourselves enough to ask, the path we need to follow is right in front of us and it's much more easily traversed than the one we followed when we tried in our own power.  This is not a huge revelation but I need to be reminded of it and keep it in the forefront of my mind.  This is pretty much what this whole journey is about.

Lord, I pray that You will keep reminding me (and anyone else who needs reminding...in case there are others besides me) that You are THE way, THE truth and THE life (John 14:6, emphasis mine).  Remind me to come to you sooner rather than later, or even first.  Give me and my brothers and sisters in Christ the discernment to hear Your voice and hear it clearly so that we don't get lost trying to find our way with our lousy manmade maps and misinterpretations.

In Jesus' name,
Amen

Finally made it to the meadow

Not so wild horses

One of the many gorgeous vistas

Other animals, not pictured turkey and bunny I saw



Cute pony

Table for one

Lunch is served

View while eating lunch

Way pregnant horse!

The sign I missed on the way up

My little cabin Rudy's Rest

Amen


Sleeping quarters for tonight



                                  

Roanoke

First a little housekeeping.  I added a "gadget" on the right hand column where you are supposed to be able to enter your email address and get notifications when I post a new entry.  Not sure if it works but give it a try.

I returned to Roanoke with mixed emotions, not being sure how I would feel about Roanoke and how the people I knew here would receive me.  We moved here in '94 and my job was to start a new pediatric oncology program where one had never before existed.  There were lots of obstacles to our move both professionally and personally.  The center that had cared for the SW Virginia patients didn't want the program and pressured the administration to refrain from hiring me, or anyone else.  In addition, Debbie had never lived outside of the Columbia area, Courtney was entering her senior year in high school and Brent was totally against leaving his friends.  All three of them suffered from the move.  But move we did.

It was exciting to start something from scratch.  It didn't just involve medicine, it involved politics, promotion and persistence.  But the program got rolling, we started seeing some newly diagnosed cancer patients, assembled a terrific team to care for the kids and professionally I was on a roll.  But my family suffered and, as a result, my relationship with Debbie and the kids suffered as well.  Debbie and Brent suffered the most and our marriage had some rocky times.  One seminal event that transpired while we were in Roanoke was that Debbie's grandmother passed away.  Debbie was extremely close with her grandmother and her passing was the stimulus for her to begin a closer walk with the Lord.  And I am convinced it was her fervent prayers and Christian example that softened my heart giving the Holy Spirit fertile ground on which to change me.

We had been in Roanoke for two and a half years when my former  Columbia department chairman called me and asked if I would come back to Columbia to take over as head of the division of peds hematology/oncology.  He asked me what the noise in the background was and I said, "it's Debbie packing!"  That was in December, 1996 and by April, 1997 I was back in Columbia.  Needless to say that was a shock to the Roanoke oncology program and the patients and families who had put their faith in what we had started.  Everyone was kind, they gave me a very nice party but I always had the feeling that they felt abandoned.  I had never really started something and not finished it (except my first marriage which was my biggest failure in my life). 

The last two days have been quite eye opening.  First, M's parents have been incredible hosts.  They have made me feel at home and said that they felt that God had placed me in their lives just to be God's instrument to heal their son.  They have truly let me come and go as I wished and loved on me, supported me and prayed for me.  Last evening I had dinner with the nurse who was my first hire for peds oncology and her husband.  She was as sweet as she was the day I hired her away from the general peds clinic and became the constant face of the clinic.  It felt s if I had never left.  We laughed about the early pioneer days when it was just the two of us.  We wondered how we ever got through it all. 

Today I went to the clinic which had relocated to another hospital and was greeted with a "so you're the famous Dr. Neuberg!"  A volunteer whom I had recruited to help out in the clinic 20+ years ago was still there and the staff surprised her with my arrival.  We were so happy to see one another.  One of the PICU docs just "happened" to be off this afternoon and we took a hike up a mountain with his dog.  He affirmed to me that he would fondly bring up my name in conversation with some of the old geezers from time to time. 

All this is to say that God used and multiplied the three years I spent here for His purposes.  It made me wonder about all the times we don't think we are accomplishing all that we feel God wants us to accomplish but He uses it for His purposes.  Debbie struggled with feeling as though she was a disappointment to God because she was so anxious about her disease coming back.  But then so many people would approach us and thank her for being such a witness to the power of God in her life. 

Lord, thank you that you don't waste anything.  Thank you that you are always working to multiply all that we hope to accomplish and more.  Give us eyes to see, ears to hear where you want us to plant seeds, large and small, that will bear Kingdom fruit for YOUR purposes, not ours.

In Jesus' name
Amen

Our Roanoke house

View from our Roanoke house

View from Roanoke mountain on hike with Dr. C

Something new, something old

Day 2 of this adventure started with a delicious breakfast of eggs benedict lovingly and expertly prepared by my sister.  With a full tummy and a loaded car, I took off down the mountain and through the sleepy town of Burnsville. Instead of taking the main roads, I decided to let the GPS (what did we ever do before GPS's, anyone remember Trip Tiks?) take me through the mountains.  It was absolutely breathtaking going on those curvy roads, through small towns, the largest of which was Banner Elk.  It was just incredible as God's handiwork passed by and I listened to contemporary Christian music on the radio.  It all fit together perfectly.  It struck me that it seems that all the roads parallel streams through the mountains as though God laid the path for man to follow.  Hmmm, sounds like there is a sermon in there someplace.

I arrived in Damascus, VA about thirty minutes before I was to eat (again) with a friend who used to live in Columbia, his wife and two teenagers.  We ate at a little restaurant right net to the bike rental shop that was to be the start of today's adventure.

We had a good visit, talked of work, health care in 2017 and, oh by the way, how he had handled his son being born with a fatal genetic disorder and how he handled it.  It is astounding to me that loss and grief are universal but how one deals with it is so very individual and personal.  There is no cookie cutter "right way" to grieve.  Another piece of information that I have known in my head and over the past few months have experienced it settling into my heart.

After "brunch" we said our goodbyes and I went about renting my bicycle and waited for the shuttle to take our group up the mountain in preparation for our 17 mile trek down the Virginia Creeper.  While waiting I got to talking with a young couple from Winston Salem, NC.  They were friendly, warm and invited me to join them on the way down.

Terrible at selfies



Ready to ride!  Not quite as bad as my young Ron Boy Scout pic... but close!
(private joke)

I felt kind of bad, almost like they felt obligated since we had struck up a conversation.  But they actually seemed happy to have a old guy hang out with them and were genuinely interested in what I was trying to accomplish on this trip.  We talked about the Lord and they were so excited about the church they belong to and how it is growing.  They encouraged me to listen to their pastor's podcasts.  Although I took their picture for my failing memory, I didn't want to post it without their consent.  Suffice it to say, they were one of the highlights of the creeper.

Gods handiwork was the main highlight of the trip.  Since I am not very good with my camera.....yet, I am posting some pics that I took on automatic.  One of my goals is that by the end of this trip I will be much more proficient in the intricacies of a  DSLR.

Cute little store along the way with some of the history of the creeper.  Debbie would have LOVED this part.  Riding a bike for 2 or 3 hours...not so much.

Beautiful landscape and babbling brooks

After finishing the creeper, the sweet couple even invited me for ice cream but I had to move on so my Roanoke hosts wouldn't be inconvenienced.  The ride to Roanoke was as beautiful as I remember it.  But once I got off the interstate, it didn't look at all familiar.  It has been 20 years since I was here!  When we lived here and would travel back to SC, we always stopped in Statesville, NC because that was the furthest north Bojangles.  Now they have Bojangles right here in Roanoke!

I arrived at my hosts' house about 7:30 and they greeted me with a delicious plate of spaghetti and a salad.  Yum!  This couple have a son who was diagnosed with cancer at 10 years of age when I was working here.  He is now working for Campus Crusade for Christ.  In fact, the reason I am staying with his parents is that several months ago he found me on Facebook and, when I decided on doing this trip, he told me that his parents were insistent that I stay with them during my visit.

After dinner we had some great conversation about M and his cancer diagnosis and what a life changing experience it was for the whole family.  How he and his siblings were walking with the Lord and how God has blessed their whole family.  M's dad (M Sr) talked of how we seek God's face when we face trials but so easily can fall into a casual relationship with our Creator and Savior when things are going well.  How true that is.  Here's to going deeper and staying deeper.



Where we were, where am I going

It is August 26, 2017 and as I begin my new journey, I am sitting on top of a mountain in North Carolina just northwest of Asheville, in the guest room of my sister's house.  The cool mountain air is again refreshing compared to the humidity of the midlands of South Carolina.  It feels good to be in a small mountain town, I've been here many times to visit my sister....and my mom when she was alive.  It's a place Debbie and I used to come.  She loved the early American antiques, not only here, but everywhere.  But I'm getting ahead of myself.

So I am starting this journey with a purpose.  Six months ago I was a pediatric oncologist and Debbie and I were approaching our 32nd anniversary.  She had had a rough 2016 as she had sever blood infections with septic shock in July and December, spending Christmas in the hospital.  Those episodes took their toll, along with the worry of rising breast cancer tumor markers.  Not particularly reassured by negative scans, we all knew that her disease would rear its ugly head sooner or later.  My prayer was that it would crop up at a stage where it could be treated with continued control of the disease.  After all she had been relapsed for five years and well controlled on hormone injections monthly and an oral chemo, one week on, one week off.  Life was tolerable with some good times, some not so good times. 

After the second episode of septic shock over Christmas, Debbie was really never the same.  She looked and felt unwell, weak, just not her spunky self (she was spunky, just ask the kids).  Things got worse, she got dizzy when she stood and then, like her blood pressure, the bottom fell out.  Debbie got very sick, very fast, was hospitalized, sent home on hospice and four days shy of our 32ndd anniversary, in the midst of her children and husband, she passed into the arms of Jesus.  I left a lot out because most of it I can't really think about for too long.

Soooooooo we had an a funeral that celebrated her life.  It was one of those funerals where you could tell about whom they were speaking and it was the truth.  The kids went back to their families and I lived in a 3700 square foot house with two dogs that I didn't think I really liked.....alone.  There were some pretty hard nights, made better by the acts of kindness and support of my children, friends and work family.  After a couple of weeks I returned to work, my life's work as a pediatric oncologist.  Under the best of circumstances, that can be a challenging job.  When you spend all day taking care of kids with cancer and go home to a wife with cancer, that can be tough.  When you spend all day taking care of parents who are feeling the same grief over the loss of normalcy in their lives and come home to an empty house, that's a real killer.  Mind you, I'm not complaining.  I have gotten so much more back from the families for whom I have cared, and from taking care of Debbie, than I have ever given and I wouldn't trade any of it.

So on May 30, I retired.  Wow, no more fighting early morning traffic, no more of the hundreds of little decisions I made every day and the tens of huge decisions I made every month.  No more hugs from grateful parents and no more kids to woo with my Donald Duck voice.  No more daily contact with work family to check on me and give supportive shoulders to lean on.  I mean I wanted to retire but that was to spend more time with my wife whose health was failing.  But then she got sick and died and my replacement had already been hired and suddenly in the short span of three months I had two big voids in my being that seemed to be swallowing me up like a big sink hole. 

The early summer was filled with awesomeness.   First there was CAMP KEMO and the continuation of the Dr. Ron farewell tour.  It was all so wonderful, if not just a little overplayed.  Nobody's that good and if they are it's only because God has done a work in them.  Then Allyson and the girls came, then Tobias and having their family, Sophie and Audrey came for a few days and seeing so much of Grant, Graycen, Brent and Stacia it was great.  On top of that it seemed like I've been able to see Brittany with or without Andrew (mostly with which is good!) almost every two or three weeks over the summer.  So there was a lot going on and despite the tremendous joy of those times there were still multiple times a day where I deeply missed the fact that I didn't have Debbie to share those times with.  Not to mention all those terrible firsts. Now I can understand being upset on your first Father's Day or Mother's Day without your spouse, but Fourth of July? Really? You can't be serious!  But oh yeah, there were tears shed over the Independence Day (maybe it was the fireworks?).  Anyway, it really is true that weird things bring back memories that make me either laugh or cry, or both!

So I'm really going to get to the point here.  I know that God has me on this earth for a reason.  I also know that He allowed this set of circumstances to happen in my life and that He intended it for Him to use for His purposes.  Finally, I know that if I get with the plan and place His purposes first, He would use this awful situation to "work together for good" (Romans 8:28) and that this is all part of His molding me into the vessel He wants me to be.

Debbie and my favorite verse is (I don't really know if it still is hers) Jeremiah 29:11: For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future".  As I reflected on this verse it was clear that God knows what He has in store for me and I just have to find it out.  But how?  The answer for me lies in the next few verses that don't get nearly as much pub as 29:11. 29:12 through 29:14 says  Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.  14 I will be found by you,” declares the LORD, “and will bring you back from captivity.

Which brings me to sitting on top of  mountain in NC.  So I decided that God has a path and a purpose for me and He wants me to seek it with all my heart.  So as I thought and prayed about it, whether he put this in my head or I just dreamed it up on my own, I decided that I needed to take a road trip and try to do several things. First, I wanted to go back to every place I have lived, been educated, trained and try to reconnect with some people from my past.  After all in order to know where I'm going, I have to know where I've been.  There are some old friends that I haven't seen in a long time or even a VERY long time.  Second, I wanted to spend time with my grandchildren who I haven't seen enough of and I want to become a real grandfather (Pop Pops) to them.  And third I wanted to have some new experiences so I will be visiting places I've never been before.  Finally, I wanted to learn to be by myself, to learn to listen for God's voice and to figure out how I am going to live without Debbie.  I'm not so naïve to think I can get over grief, but hopefully with some alone time and time with God whether it be driving or hiking or just sitting in a little Airbnb cottage, I can get through it.  And know what God has planned for me.

So today started my journey.  It started with launching a new F3 (see www.F3nation.com) workout site in Laurens, SC.  So we left Chapin at 5:30 am to go work out in Laurens, my car packed for a five or six or seven week trip, however long it takes.  Hopefully, I'll have some answers (or at least a lot of good memories) by the time it is all over.

This is a not so great shot of the guys who worked out today.  I'm the guy in the red shirt in the middle by the flag.

So I post this blog not knowing if anyone is going to read it.  But also, I don't want to make this a job.  So for one thing, hold your applause, but this is going to be by far the longest post.  Secondly, I am not committing to post every day or maybe never again.

In Him
Ron